I get that everyone is different especially in pregnancy so I’ve been really trying not to psych myself out with not feeling any baby movements yet or even having much of a bump side note: bump envy is a real thing! But I’m sitting here wondering if pregnancy ever feels real, like really real or is it all just completely mad and unbelievable until your baby arrives... Is this what feeling like a pregnancy phony is like? Give me 30 weeks and stay tuned for my does being a parent ever feel real blog.
At the beginning, I told myself that it obviously didn’t feel real because I couldn’t see or feel any evidence. I looked the same, felt more or less the same, except I was constantly tired due to the sad parting of ways with my beloved coffee (which I probably drank too much of anyway).
I’m now well into my second trimester at 26 weeks and I’m really trying to enjoy my newfound ability to keep my eyes open and am digging being able to keep my food down! But I’m still waiting for that moment where it all feels real and where I’m all excited about my baby.
I’ve fully come to terms with the mad fact that I have a human growing inside of me, I mean I’ve seen her three times now and I find myself looking at my scan pictures just to reassure myself it isn’t all a dream. I'm not sure if it's normal to be feeling this way. To still be worried and have so much anxiety almost every day about the possibility of a late miscarriage, even though we’ve technically been ‘out of the woods’ for weeks. Stephen thinks I'm being negative and should try to enjoy the pregnancy rather than stress about it (and I know he’s right). But having spoken to a friend who is pregnant with her second child, she totally agrees that as soon as you learn you’re pregnant ALL you do is worry about your baby... and it doesn’t stop when they’re born apparently!
I can’t help but feel incredibly guilty about not being able to connect emotionally to my pregnancy. My other half feels so much more connected than me. My friends and family have at times been more excited by what’s happening in my body than I have. I get excited when I’m doing baby things like my ultrasounds or when buying her pushchair or clothes for example (but maybe that’s just the shopaholic in me). I just don’t know what’s going on – having our baby was a complete choice and I am looking forward to being her Mum with every ounce of my being. I’m just missing something.
So here I am delving back into my mumsnet and google addiction and have found that a lot of other mums-to-be feel this way and I think it is assumed that we should feel a connection the moment we learn we’re pregnant which personally I think is complete nonsense! I feel like men get let off with not feeling emotionally connected to their unborn baby because of the fact that it’s not growing inside of them... I didn’t feel my daughter move until I was 22 weeks pregnant and even then it just felt madder than anything and honestly a little gross! There were a number of things I thought would help make everything seem real. I thought our 12-week scan would be the moment, then getting a bigger belly, finding out the gender, our 20-week scan! Yet, nothing... I’m not entirely sure if the moment really exists – so I’ll try to stop fretting about it and enjoy the second trimester.
Let me know if and when pregnancy ever felt real to you – leave a comment below.